Communication difficultis are the most common and often the most fundamental of problems in a couple’s relationship. Poor communication turns even very minor differences of opinion into major blow-ups, withdrawal or misunderstandings.
If, on the other hand, communication skills are highly developed, then other problems, such as differences in beliefs, expectations, interests, hobbies and spending patterns can usually be resolved through discussion, compromise, and good negotiation.
Good communication is fundamental to good intimacy. It is also essential to cooperative, consistent parenting.
Men and women are not born with good communication skills. These skills are learned. A curious challenge of couples communication lies in the fact that it is not as easily learned from parents as other skills. This is because parents who are functioning well and are skilled at communication will work out their most difficult disagreements in private, not in front of their children. Parents who argue in front of their children are parents who are using dysfunctional communications.
In addition, the area of the most sensitive interpersonal communications–those that relate to emotional and physical intimacy–are very private and are not modeled.
The result of all this is the necessity of learning couples communication skills through personal efforts. It is most beneficial if a couple learns together, so that both partners agree on and understand the communication skills that can be used.
We offer a variety of advanced communications skills at Lightspring Counseling.